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Do... | Because... |
Do visit and take initiative | Unless the parent has specified otherwise, invite yourself over to help or listen. Most parents will not think to arrange for visitors but usually they are welcome. |
Do bring food | Unlikely the parents will feel like cooking for themselves. |
Do offer to be a chauffeur while making arrangements | Bereaved parents should not have to drive. :) |
Do share your pictures of the child | If you have pictures, make copies for the family. They will long for a "new" picture of their child. |
Do talk about the child | For awhile parents will want to talk about their child constantly. |
Do pitch in for awhile with household tasks - mowing, laundry, cooking, childcare, .... | These things must still be done but won't take priority. Offer to do a job or just show up with a task in mind. |
Do call | Always initiate this and do not wait for a call yourself. |
Do be aware that loneliness is worse a month or two after all the activities have slowed down. | Contrary to popular belief, the bereaved does not usually need a lot of time alone. Some time, yes, but by the two month mark they feel the "aloneness" very much. |
Do listen | The best thing you can do. |
Do offer to take over extra duties for a time. | Ask if there is a duty that you can relieve the parent of for a time. |
Do allow the parent to talk about the child as much as they need to. | Don't change the subject |
Do send notes often | Be careful not to criticize or preach. |
Do things in memory of the child | More than one of our friend's planted something in their yard in memory of Ricky. |
Remember the family on the anniversary of the death and the child's birthday. | This shows you are still thinking of them after others may have forgotten. |
Rick & Debbie Brown TCF, South Central Missouri
More on Rick & Debbie's website:
www.rollanet.org/~reb/Ricky.html